HEARDSMITH

See also my personal tumblr @ http://heardsmith-inner-space.tumblr.com/

Learning for Life

Z.L.:

My step-dad forced me to go to the boy scouts before-

J.D.:

You turned gay?

“I hate her hair. It looks like pubes. Jerry curl pubes.”
—   woman at Target

“Wait, there’s something I’m supposed to remember about Wing Stop. Oh no! My cramhole!”
—   M.T.

“I’m a racially insensitive hipster.”
—   C.W.

“We’re gonna see it in 4D. The fourth ‘d’ stands for ‘drunk’.”
—   E.O.

“I’m so happy and enraged at the same time.”
—   S.G.

“A megashark? Of course it exists! Science says yes!”
—   N.C.

E.O.:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we need to objectify women more.

C.E.:

Shoop to that!

“Dive in the concrete! It’d be alright!”
—   spectator at a softball game

“Thank god! My condoms are still here.”
—   K.S.

“I’d fuck you up if I wasn’t so tired.”
—   J.S.

“Can I tell you what my new thing is? I wanna work at a lesbian strip club.”
—   D.D.

Next patient, please...

Nurse:

Doctor, have you seen this patient?

Doctor:

Yes, I saw her for breakfast!

“Look up Chairman Mao’s penis!”
—   S.D.

“Fuck those giants! They’re gonna kill my kids!”
—   D.M.